RENT Fans: The Musical
by x Rajah x
Summary: Written in honor of Adam and Anthony's 09 tour! And because I wanted to write another parody fic and I thought it was high time we RENTheads get a musical all about us! This one is a parody of tick, tick, boom. It stars Adam, Anthony, and... well, us! R
1. ADAM AND ANTHONY

**Title: RENT Fans: The Musical**

**Genre: Humor/Parody**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Written in honor of Adam and Anthony's 09 tour. And because I missed writing parodies, and I thought it was about time we RENTheads had an entire musical dedicated to us!! :D**

**Notes: Ok so, I was dying to parody another libretto after my first two parodies. I swear, I've fallen head over heels in love with parodying lyrics. :) So, as I was knocking around ideas in my mind about making a third ROGER centric parody, making a trilogy – I saw the RENT tour. And this idea came to me!**

**I'll be parodying the tick, tick… BOOM! libretto this time. Have fun and tell me how I did!**

**It stars – Adam Pascal, Anthony Rapp, others… but most importantly, RENTheads and FANGIRLS! LIKE US!**

* * *

The show is starting.

The curtain slowly rises. The audience sees that we are in a hotel room somewhere in the United States. There is the sound of chanting, which increases in volume and intensity.

(RENT ... RENT ... RENT ... RENT ... RENT ... RENT ...)

**ANTHONY: **(sitting cross-legged on a bed) The sound you are hearing is not a creepy tribal ritual. It is not a landlord chasing a slacking tenant. It is not a joke, either. It is the sound of… everyday life now for two men. Adam and I ... are those two lucky men.

**ADAM: **(walks into hotel room, snacking on something from the vending machine) Anthony… (stops, noticing the audience) Uh…hi? (continues) Anthony, what the hell? I got downstairs to get some Funyuns and get tackled to the ground by two teenage girls. Why? "Because I'm hot." It wouldn't be a big deal, usually, but… Funyuns, man. That's all I wanted. (laughs drily) "I'm hot…"

**ANTHONY:** (shaking his head) Do they know we're in our thirties? Three-zero s. Older than old. Older than the dinosaurs were when they died – I don't even know. I don't get it. Sorry, I love RENTheads, but honestly. I really don't get it. At least they didn't steal your food. (sighs) Damn… I wanted to go out – enjoy the city, not be cooped up in here between shows. But I keep hearing them chanting and chanting and chanting! (He pulls at his hair in frustration and groans.) And sometimes, after a couple of rounds of the chants, I'll hear something else – a distant scream, like a bomb has gone off not too far away and the next one might be closer and I'd better look out.

(RENT… RENT… AAAAAAAAAAAAH!)

(They cannot help but laugh at the irony)

**ADAM: **(to audience) So that's where we are. It's a Saturday night in 2009, in this hotel on the RENT tour; I'm trying to have a snack, trying to enjoy what remains of my extremely late night, trying to ignore the screams of RENTheads…

(The scene shifts to the lobby of the hotel. There is a cluster of RENTheads gathered around, singing.)

**RENTHEADS:**  
WE'RE STOPPED IN SHOCK – WAIT, TIME OUT  
RENT'S NOT ON BROADWAY, WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?  
START THE CRAZE –FANGIRLS TO LURE  
SINCE THEY DON'T HAVE THE NEDER, THEY'LL DO A RENT TOUR!

PATIENCE IS GETTING SHORTER  
LINES AT THE TICKET OFFICE GETTING LONGER  
FEEL LIKE YOU'LL PEE YOUR PANTS  
BEFORE YOU EVEN SEE ANGEL DANCE!

IT'S PANIC, IT'S SQUEEFEST  
IT'S RENT TOUR, IT'S YOUR BIG SHOT  
YOUR CHANCE TO SEE THE SHOW THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE

THEY'RE SINGIN' "NO DAY BUT TODAY"  
YOU JUST WEEP AND SOB AND CRY  
NOT YOUR MOTHER'S BROADWAY MUSICAL  
ITS ADAM AND ANTHONY  
HOW OLD ARE THESE GUYS AGAIN?  
THEY LOOK AND ACT ABOUT TWENTY TWO  
SEEING RENT WITH ADAM AND ANTHONY  
SHIT, THAT'S AWESOME  
THAT'S FUCKING COOL  
THAT'S FUCKING COOL, SO FUCKING COOL!

**ADAM: **(sitting down) Hey, you know what? Forget it. It's no big deal. What's another crazy RENThead encounter? Just, you know, the 525, 600th one… in the past year and a half.

**ANTHONY:**  
Yeah, we have to just chill.

**ADAM: **(thinking suddenly) Anthony… my tour roommate, my oldest and dearest friend. We made it through the 07 return together, not to mention the OBC…and now we're on tour together. We're two terrific actors, if you'll let me toot our metaphorical horns, and we have awesome lives. I mean come on, Anthony… aren't you happy?

**ANTHONY: **(shrugging) Yeah, sure. The tour's great. The tour's like… a blessing in disguise.

**ADAM: **(points out) Hard to ignore it when you're physically attacked and they scream deafeningly in your ears, though.

**ANTHONY: **Well, maybe you spend too much time making trips to that damn vending machine, Adam.

**RENTHEADS:**  
BUILD THE SET UP – YET ANOTHER TOUR STOP  
SCREAM AND YELL UNTIL THE THEATER CALLS THE COPS  
MOMENTUM'S GETTING BIGGER  
CHANCES TO WITNESS IT GETTING THINNER  
YOU JUST WANT TO SEE RENT  
THAT AMAZING PULITIZER PRIZE WINNER

YOU'LL FREAK OUT, YOU'LL CRY OUT  
IT'S LIKE NOTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD

SO NEVER GO ALONE  
BRING YOUR RENTHEAD FRIENDS TOO  
THEY'RE SINGING, "ANOTHER DAY"  
YOU JUST WANT TO RE-LIVE THIS DAY  
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE  
WITH ADAM AND ANTHONY, YAY!

CAN'T MAKE IT ON A WEEKEND  
SCREW THIS, IT'S RENT, WE CAN MISS SCHOOL  
SEEING RENT WITH ADAM AND ANTHONY  
HOLY SHIT!  
THAT'S REALLY COOL  
THEY ARE SO COOL  
THEY MAKE US DROOL!

**ANTHONY:** (they've been listening to the RENTheads singing, Adam slowly began to hyperventilate during the last section) Adam, breathe.

**ADAM:** (freaking out) Oh…. oh god…. Anthony… they're going to find us! And then they'll… ah, my Funyuns!!! Not the Funyuns… and then I'll be all messed up… the shows have gone fine so far… forget that shit, man… I'm going to forget the lyrics to One Song Glory!

**ANTHONY: **(resolutely) We're going to enjoy this tour. I looked at our itinerary and it looks great. Lots of fun with the rest of the cast… a good time.

**ADAM: **(looking terrified) And then… they'll stalk us again… and find out that I like to watch Dancing With the Stars!

**ANTHONY: **And the band will play their best… we'll all sing flawlessly… I hope so?

**ADAM: **(continuing to freak out strangely) And then… I'll hurt myself.

**ANTHONY: **(laughing) That's a given, Adam. I haven't forgotten the tree attacking you. Alright? Roger's not supposed to have a big ass bandage around his black, blue, green, and purple hand…. I remember things like that!

**ADAM: **Aaaaah! Just because you brought that up… I'll get up on stage tomorrow and I'll realize I've forgotten One Song Glory completely. Holy shit, and the guitar! I'll forget how to play the guitar… and then I'll fall on my ass.

**RENTHEADS:**  
CAMERAS AND FENDER GUITARS  
THO' NOT IN NEDER-NEDERLANDER  
THE WHOLE COUNTRY'S GOT RENT NOW  
SINCE ADAM AND ANTHONY  
MADE THE TOUR EVEN GRANDER

**ADAM AND ANTHONY: **(from hotel room)

ON THE STREETS, THEY PROWL, THOSE RENTHEADS

WITH PLAYBILLS AND SHARPIE MARKERS!

THEY'RE SO INTO  
EMO ROCKERS, SEXY STRIPPERS  
CROSSDRESSERS,

AND MEN WHO WEAR STRIPED SCARVES  
TWO LEZZIES, AN ASSHOLE LANDLORD  
A GAY PROFESSOR…

**RENTHEADS:** (back in lobby)

TICKETS, WE HAVE TO AFFORD!  
THEY'LL BE SINGING "FINALE A"  
YOU'LL FEEL LIKE IT ALL WAS A DREAM  
IT WOULDN'T MATTER IF IT WERE DOOMSDAY  
WOW  
ADAM AND ANTHONY  
SING LIKE ANGELS FROM THE HEAVENS  
AND DANCE LIKE SPASTIC KIDS ON KOOL-AID  
SEE RENT WITH ADAM AND ANTHONY  
INTO OUR SEATS NOW  
INTERMISSION'S PASSED  
I WANT IT TO START, BUT STILL LAST  
NOW THE CURTAIN'S FALLING  
THE SHOW IS OVER, OH  
WHY CAN'T I STAGEDOOR FOREVER?  
WOW  
ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,  
SO FUCKING COOL  
INCREDIBLY COOL!

**ADAM: **(calmed considerably)

I still hear them… Anthony… they won't shut up!

**ANTHONY:**

Just put a pillow over your ears and go to sleep. Pretend it's a nightmare.

**ADAM:**

Maybe I don't have to pretend… (pauses) Anthony, did you hear that?

**ANTHONY:**

(frustrated) What?

**ADAM:**

It was a rustling noise… sounded like it came from the bathroom… oh shit, one got in here, didn't they? If they touch my plaid bath towel, I swear I'll…

**ANTHONY:**

Adam… That was the thermostat kicking on.

**ADAM:**

… oh.

**ANTHONY:**

_Goodnight_, Adam.

* * *

LOL. I had a little too much fun with Adam panicky-ness. Hahah. Well, let's just say, at least at OUR tour stop… Anthony kinda put all the fangirl/RENThead pressure on poor Adam. And leave it at that.

And we actually did stay in the same hotel as them. Too bad I wrote this song afterward, eh? We could've sang it in the lobby for real!

REVIEW PLEASE!


	2. PLAID PLAID PANTS

**Wow, thanks for all the positive feedback, everyone! I love it, I was totally expecting mixed responses. :D**

**Enjoy this next song and let me know what you thought. The story about Adam and Anthony you requested is at the end of the chapter. **

**REVIEW!**

**

* * *

****FANGIRL:**  
Hey, tomorrow night we're seeing RENT! Can you believe it?

**OTHER FANGIRL:**

Oh yeah… But I've already seen it so many times that I used my ticket stubs to wallpaper my three bedroom house.

(RENT… RENT… RENT…)

**FANGIRL:**  
Do you think… oh my god, what if we MEET them?

**OTHER FANGIRL:**

Probably not. But I've already met them enough times that they know my name, first and last… I mean, they put it down IN INK on that restraining order! Oh well, it'll be fun either way.

**FANGIRL:**  
I'm sure I'll love it. So… what are you wearing to the show?

**OTHER FANGIRL:**

I haven't decided, seeing as I've seen it so many times that I've exhausted all of the possible outfits in my closet. It's so frustrating! I mean, what if Adam notices? He might say, "What the hell, you stupid bitch? You wore that same shirt the 6784th time you stalked us out of the theater! I am so not signing your playbill, you disgust me!"  
**  
FANGIRL:**  
I'm sure you're overreacting.

**OTHER FANGIRL:**

I'm not overreacting.

**FANGIRL:**  
(shrugs) Just saying. Ok, well I got it.

**OTHER FANGIRL:**

You decided what to wear? That was quick!

**FANGIRL:**  
I'm wearing my plaid pants. Obviously.

**OTHER FANGIRL:**  
Predictable.

**FANGIRL:**

What?  
**  
OTHER FANGIRL:**  
I've spent the last few years of my life following this musical and I'm seeing it again this week. Another reason I'm freaking out… we'll go to the show, you for your first time, and I guarantee you, that lots of plaid pants will be out in the audience. Don't get me wrong, I've done it, and it was the best thing I've ever done, and the 5346th time I met Adam, he said he liked my pants… so it was worth it. But those pants can be a hit or miss, believe me. I will have seen RENT 525600 times by the time I'm thirty, and I will have seen too much plaid in pants form.

**FANGIRL:**  
I know that the plaid pants aren't new. But I love them! It's not my fault! It's hard for people born after 1996 to come up with new RENThead ideas. Especially now that RENT's not even on Broadway! There's no time to sit around and be creative. And plus, Adam makes them look so damn good, I have to imitate him!

**OTHER FANGIRL:**  
Whatever. Do whatever you want. If Adam throws up all over you because he's seen one too many pairs of plaid pants, don't blame me.

**FANGIRL:**  
Is that really what you think?

**OTHER FANGIRL:**  
Sure. But it's up to you. It's your first time, do what you want.

**FANGIRL:**  
Are you really seeing RENT for the 8956th time?

**OTHER FANGIRL:**

8957th, actually, I always thought that by the 8950th time, I'd either explode or pee on the seat, but I've done neither so far. Thank Larson for that. So are you wearing the pants or not? Or will you do something different from all the other Adam fangirls?  
**  
FANGIRL:**  
I'm wearing them. I don't care. The pants are a statement. You don't get it. You always liked Anthony better anyway.

**OTHER FANGIRL:**  
Yeah… ok. I guess you're right, noob.

**FANGIRL:**  
(glares) Besides you can't beat the awesomeness of those pants.  
**  
OTHER FANGIRL:**  
(admitting) They do look pretty hot, don't they?

**FANGIRL:**  
See?  
**  
OTHER FANGIRL:**

Hell, they look downright incredible on him, don't they?

**RENTHEADS:**  
CROSS-HATCHED LINES FROM THE WAIST DOWN  
BRIGHT RED AND FLASHY, THE BEST PAIR IN TOWN  
EYE-CATCHING PATTERN, MOVES WITH YOU AS YOU DANCE  
DAMMIT, ADAM... WE REALLY LOVE YOUR PLAID PANTS

THE PLAID PLAID PANTS, AWE-INSPIRING AND HOT  
YOUR PLAID PLAID PANTS, TIE OUR HEARTS IN A KNOT  
PLAID PANTS, FASHION AT ITS PEAK  
YOUR PRETTY PLAID PANTS HAVE GOT OUR KNEES ALL WEAK  
KNEES ALL WEAK

**ADAM:**  
NOW, NOW FANS, IT'S TIME WE HAD A TALK  
THOSE PANTS ARE SO DAMN TIGHT

THAT I FIND IT HARD TO WALK  
WHAT ARE YOU THINKIN', RENTHEADS,

THAT THESE PANTS ROCK YOUR SOCKS?  
EVERY NIGHT AFTER THE SHOW

I JUST SHOVE THEM IN A BOX  
OH, THOSE DAMN PLAID PANTS  
SUCH A NUISANCE, BUT NICE TO WATCH  
THOSE DAMN PLAID PANTS ALWAYS

RIDE UP IN THE CROTCH!

**RENTHEADS:**

Uh, like, T.M.I, there, Adam.

**ADAM:**

THOSE PLAID PANTS

**RENTHEADS:**

OH WHAT WE WOULD DO  
TO SEE YOU UP CLOSE  
WITH THOSE AWESOME PLAID PANTS ON YOU  
PLAID ON YOU  
CAN I HEAR ONE SONG GLORY, ROGER?  
CAN YOU LIGHT HER CANDLE?  
OOH, THOSE PLAID PANTS, ARE TOO FIERCE TO HANDLE

**ADAM:**  
IS ACT ONE OVER?  
OH PLEASE PLEASE SAY YES  
I'M GETTING SO TIRED OF

THOSE DAMN PLAID PA-A-ANTS!

**RENTHEADS:**  
THE PLAID PLAID PANTS,

IT'S LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT  
THE PLAID PLAID PANTS,

AND HE WEARS THEM HALF THE NIGHT  
PLAID PANTS, MAKE US GO OOH.  
WE TRAVELED MILES AND MILES

TO SEE THOSE AWESOME PANTS ON YOU  
ON YOU-OU-OU-OU!

**ADAM:**  
DA-A-A-AMN

**RENTHEADS:**

PLAID PLAID PANTS,

PLAID PLAID PANTS  
ADAM IN PLAID PLAID PANTS,

PLAID PLAID PANTS  
PLAID PA-A-A-ANTS!

PLA-AID PA-A-A-ANTS!  
OHHHH OOHHHH

**ADAM:**  
DAMN PLAID PANTS

**RENTHEADS:**  
COOL PLAID PANTS

**ADAM:**  
DAMN PLAID PANTS  
**  
RENTHEADS:**  
COOL PLAID PANTS

**ADAM AND RENTHEADS:**  
THE PLAID PLAID PA-ANTS!

* * *

**Okay, so by the way, this was GREEN GREEN DRESS... last one was 30/90. :)**

**In case you're slow? JK.**

Okay, so... here's the scoop.

Adam and Anthony were staying at our hotel and we almost met them AGAIN. :) Some fangirls chased them out like, seconds before we entered the lobby and they ran down the icy street, scared. :D LOL.

HOWEVER... we rode in the elevator with Karmine Alers (MIMI UNDERSTUDY), Justin Johnston (ANGEL), and Haneefah Wood (Joanne). The guy sitting at the table next to us at breakfast was Jacques... uhm, his last name escapes me at the moment. But he played BENNY. And we walked out the door with Cary Shields, Adam Pascal's understudy. Oh, and Lexi (MIMI) walked out after that and we talked to her for a second.

It was pretty cool! :D


	3. FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE

**So, I got caught up in my story about the RENT actors that I forgot to explain how exactly it was that Anthony decided the fangirl/RENThead pressure was going to be solely Adam's responsibility.**

**Okay, so when those fangirls stampeded toward them, Anthony pulled his hood up and ran out, dodging them all. And they surrounded poor Adam, boxing him out. Anthony was already walking into the theater by the time Adam was chased out of the hotel lobby. **

**XD Funniest thing ever. I wish I'd actually seen the look on Adam's face and not just came out after he got chased out! Like, "DAMMIT ANTHONY!"**

**LOL.**

**By the way, your reviews were like the Mark to my Roger. :D **

**

* * *

**

**ANTHONY:**

7PM. The line is forming outside the theater by now. Somewhere, a fangirl faints.

**ADAM:**

(whining) I want to go back to bed.

**ANTHONY:**  
Tonight, Adam. After the show.

**ADAM:**

So… tired… oh well… Roger might have to nod off a bit every few songs. Nudge me when it's my cue, okay?

**ANTHONY:**  
No, stay awake! The fangirls will riot if you don't do it right, Adam! You know that!

**ADAM:**  
What?

**ANTHONY:**  
They came to see you and your hotness. You know that. I mean, yeah, they like me, but… you're their lust-material.

**ADAM:**  
What do you mean?

**ANTHONY:**  
You really are tired… do you not see how many girls come in here in plaid and leather and scream deafeningly about how sexy you are?

**ADAM:**  
Why do you think I shout in my sleep every night?

**ANTHONY:**  
Okay… well, I'm just saying. I'm just the guy with the scarf who sings. I'm not the one getting marriage proposals every two nights.

**ADAM:**  
I can't help it, Anth. (yawns) You're exaggerating too, by the way. There's tons of girls that come in here with blue and white scarves and they squee about you nonstop.  
**  
ANTHONY:**  
I'm not the sexy one, I don't think. I'd still be in New York alone if you hadn't gone on the tour with me. And did you just say squee? Seriously? Squee?

**RENTHEADS:**  
HOLY CRAP, THE TOUR IS HERE  
GETS THE FANGIRLS SQUEEING  
WHO'S HOTTER: ADAM OR ANTHONY?  
WE'RE SCREAMING, SQUEALING, PEEING  
FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE  
COULDN'T IF THEY TRIED  
WE'RE AT A STALEMATE  
IT'S A HOT DEBATE  
FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE

**ANTHONY:**  
I THINK I AM RATHER CUTE  
GEEKY BUT ATTRACTIVE  
GOD HELP YOU SHOULD I BE RENDERED MUTE  
AND MY DANCE MOVES ARE SO HYPERACTIVE!

**RENTHEADS:**

FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE  
COULDN'T IF THEY TRIED  
CAN THEY FIGURE IT OUT  
WITHOUT A SHOUT?  
FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE

**ADAM:**  
GOTTA SAY, I HAVE IT ALL  
MY HOTNESS NEVER ENDS  
I'M TECHNICALLY THE KING OF PLAID  
WITH A ROCKSTAR THRONE  
THEY ALL WANNA BE MY GIRLFRIENDS!  
**  
RENTHEADS:**  
FANGIRLS SEE THAT THEY'RE BOTH RIGHT  
PLUS MARK AND ROGER ARE LIKE BROTHERS

FANGIRLS DON'T SEE WHY  
IT'S ALWAYS ASKED  
IF YOU LIKE ONE  
OR THE OTHER?  
FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE  
(NO THEY CAN'T DECIDE)  
COULDN'T IF THEY TRIED  
(EVEN IF THEY TRIED)  
WE LOVE BOTH SO WHY FIGHT?  
LET'S ENJOY TONIGHT  
FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE

**ONE CRAZY FANGIRL:**  
I want to meet them both!  
I want to hug Adam,  
And tango with Anthony,  
And kidnap them both  
And lock them in my basement  
And they'll sing to me everyday  
For the rest of my life...

**RENTHEADS:**  
FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE  
(NO THEY WON'T DECIDE)  
FANGIRLS WILL NOT...  
THEY CANNOT DECIDE  
HOW CAN YOU KNOW  
WHICH ONE'S BETTER? OH NO!

FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE  
(FANGIRLS WON'T DECIDE)  
FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE  
(CAN'T SEEM TO DECIDE)  
FANGIRLS CAN'T DECIDE  
(THEY'LL NEVER DECIDE)  
Decide, decide  
Decide, decide  
...FANGIRLS CAN'T... DECIDE.

* * *

**LOL. Sorry, but that was such a short song. I'm going to update this either tomorrow or Friday with the third song, if all works out as I want it to.**

**I'm seeing Spring Awakening on SATURDAY WOOO!**


	4. SUNDAY MATINEE

Thanks bunches for all your kind words about this. I'm having fun writing it, and I'm glad to hear that people are getting at least some giggles out of it.

Enjoy this next one, and sorry it's so short! :)

* * *

(In the theater, just before the show starts.)

**THEATER STAFF:**

Straight back and to the left!  
Put away those cameras!  
Front row mezz! Front row mezz!  
Tickets in will call.  
Excuse me, ma'am.  
Four seats in row seven!  
I'm sorry, we don't allow recording devices.  
Let's see, seats one and two in row 23...  
You're on the list?  
What's your name? Your last name?  
Proof of purchase? Tickets for seven?  
Wow.  
No, I'm sorry, the merchandise is there for the people who get there first.  
Are you sure your ticket says seat 7?  
Excuse me, Sir, there's no smoking!  
Geez.  
I'll lead you to your seats now, honey.  
Bathrooms?  
I said, they are out the door and down the hall to your left.  
Wow... these RENTheads.  
(sung)  
MATINEE  
SUNDAY  
IN THE SPOTLESS, CHANDELIER-LIT THEATER  
IN THE RED VELVET UPHOLSTERED SEATS  
HERE WE MEET  
RENTHEADS SOMETIMES MILES FROM HOME  
AND OTHER FROM DOWN THE ROAD

**RENTHEADS:**  
Sunday!!!!  
**  
THEATER STAFF:**  
SILLY FOOLS SINGING SONGS AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS  
LOUD AND ROWDY, USING CAMERAS AND SUCH  
IT'S TOO MUCH  
WHEN THEY SCREAM AND CRY  
OVER THOSE TWO ACTOR GUYS!

**RENTHEADS:**  
HEAVEN  
IN THE CLEAN, CHANDELIER-LIT THEATER

**THEATER STAFF:**  
SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT AND SUCH

**RENTHEADS:**  
IT'S TOO MUCH!

**THEATER STAFF:**  
WHO SIGNED US UP FOR THIS?  
I NEED COFFEE.

**RENTHEADS:**  
ADAAAAAAMMM  
and ANTHONNNY

**RENTHEADS:**  
AND TEENS SCREAMING  
AND TRASH  
TRASH TRASH

TRASH TRASH

TRASH TRASH

TRASH TRASH

TRASH TRASH

**RENTHEADS:**  
WE'RE SCREAMING FOR ADAM AND ANTHONY, IN THIS BEAUTIFUL THEATER!

**THEATER STAFF:**  
CROWDS AND TRASH  
RENTHEADS:  
CROWDS  
On an ordinary SUNDAY

SUNDAY

SUNDAY

SUNDAY

**RENTHEADS:**  
MATINEE!

* * *

So, I'm going to update this again tomorrow, since I have that song done already too and this was RIDICULOUSLY short and stuff. The next one is going to be Adam and Anthony imagining what it would be like had they never been involved with RENT.

After that... more fun abound!

Review and make me happy?


	5. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

Hey all you awesome readers!

Well, here's the next one. I don't like it much, but there are better installments down the road, don't worry your pretty little heads about anything, 'cause I got this.

I'm seeing Spring Awakening tomorrow, but (not going to promise anything though) you may see an update from me. I'm not ruling out that possibility.

:D

* * *

(Soft lights go up on a hotel room, somewhere else in the United States. Anthony slides slowly into a cushy leather seat. Adam throws his body onto one of the beds, moaning out a half-yawn, half-sigh.)

**ANTHONY:**

(murmuring) This tour…

**ADAM:**

(mumbles into pillow) Mmm?

**ANTHONY:**

(shaking his head) … is awesome. It is… I mean, the fun we have, the cast, performing… traveling around… it's awesome.

**ADAM:**  
(almost inaudibly) Don't forget the RENTheads!

**ANTHONY:**

(yawning again) The RENTheads? The RENTheads are great!

**ADAM:**  
(turning his head so Anthony can hear him) I love it… but seriously… it sucks.

**ANTHONY:**

We need a tour that has longer breaks between shows without being a year-long adventure. I miss my cats.

**ADAM:**

It's still great…when you hurry out of the theater and back to the hotel… as speedy as possible even though you're absolutely wiped… past the scores of stagedooring RENT nuts wearing plaid, plaid, plaid, plaid…

**ANTHONY:**

When you look past the crowds of inspired teenage kids clawing at you like animals, all wearing FORGET REGRET t-shirts…

**ADAM:**  
Past the exhaustion, head colds, and sore throats.

**ANTHONY:**

(in a flash) What if we weren't center stage?

**ADAM:**  
(tosses a pillow to Anthony, who tucks it under his head and sprawls onto the other bed) Like… what if we'd never been in RENT? Um… I'd be a personal trainer still… with a band and a guitar… and an album released in Tokyo. I wouldn't have met you…or lots of other people. Or had my kitchen remodeled and bought a dog that shits gold.

**ANTHONY:**  
Shits gold? Oh my God…

**ADAM:**  
(thinking) That would be so… different.  
NO MORE –  
WALKING INTO A ROOM WITH GIRLS  
THROWING THEMSELVES AT YOU SCREAMING!

**ANTHONY:**  
NO MORE –  
DEALING WITH THE FANGIRLS AND THEIR STALKERISH PLOTS  
OR SCARY WAYS OF SCHEMING!

**ADAM:**  
NO MORE – FLASHING CAMERAS!

**ANTHONY:**  
NO MORE – STAGEDOORS!

**ADAM: **  
NO MORE- BEING UNABLE TO DO

ANYTHING WITHOUT BEING STOPPED FOR PHOTOS!

**ANTHONY:**  
HELLO TO PEACE AND QUIET  
LIVING – JUST ME AND MY CATS  
HELLO TO NORMAL LIVING  
CAN YOU IMAGINE, CAN YOU IMAGINE…

**ADAM:**

I CAN'T IMAGINE!

**ANTHONY:**  
CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

**ADAM:**

NO MORE –  
CLIMBING OVER SLEEPING PEOPLE  
WHO ARE WANTING LOTTO SEATS

TO GET IN THE BUILDING!

**ANTHONY:**  
NO MORE –

**ADAM:**  
NOXIOUS FUMES – FROM FOG MACHINES

OR HEARING THE SAME SONGS

**ANTHONY:**  
OVER AND OVER… EVEN WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING!

**ADAM:**  
NO MORE –

**ANTHONY:**  
SNEAKING OUT…  
NO MORE –

**ADAM:**  
AUTOGRAPHS TO SIGN!  
NO MORE-

**ANTHONY:**  
MAKING A RUN FOR IT…

**BOTH:**  
WHEN YOU SEE THE FANGIRLS COMING

AND THEY SCREAM AND CHASE YOU IN THE SNOW

WITH NO SHOES ON!  
HELLO TO A LIFE WITHOUT STRESS  
AND FANS THAT ARE SOMETIMES BRATS  
HELLO, WOW NORMAL LIVING…

**ADAM / (ANTHONY):**  
CAN YOU IMAGINE (I CAN'T IMAGINE)  
CAN YOU IMAGINE (I CAN'T IMAGINE)  
CAN YOU IMAGINE (THAT?)

**ANTHONY:**  
NO MORE –  
**  
ADAM:**  
SLEEPING PILLS!

**BOTH:**  
NO MORE –

**ANTHONY:**  
OR ADVIL!

**BOTH:**  
NO MORE – ANYTHING BUT A SIMPLE LIFE!

**ANTHONY/ (ADAM):**  
WE'RE LIVIN' IT UP (LIVIN' IT UP)  
WITHOUT FANGIRLS (NO MORE FANGIRLS)

**BOTH:**  
WE WERE NEVER IN RENT…

IMAGINE THAT!

(They pause, laughing.)

**BOTH:**

HELLO TO OUR DEAR RENTHEADS  
WE ARE HERE TO STAY

**ANTHONY:**

I STILL GET TO LIVE WITH MY CATS

**ADAM / (ANTHONY):**  
BUT WE'RE STILL IN RENT (FOREVER RENT)  
SO MUCH TIME SPENT (MONTHS AND MONTHS SPENT)

**BOTH:**  
CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

* * *

That... wasn't that funny. :( Sorry! I tried, guys... I really did.


	6. SICK DAY

Yo!!! Spring Awakening was really good, folks!

This is a nice long one to make up for the short ones. Although it is mean for comic purposes, I feel I must tell you where this stemmed from.

It's an exaggeration of real events, in a way. It's about RENT cast members being sick and fangirls/RENTheads being ridiculous.

Adam Pascal has been sick lately, performing in the show anyway but not stagedooring and I can't believe I'm saying this… but idiotic people are giving him a hard time about it and I'm frustrated.

So… I'll be mocking them in a hilarious way, hopefully. That's what I'm trying to do.

Hope he feels better soon!

* * *

(It is clear a few days have passed. Lights come up on a different hotel room. Anthony is on the move, bustling around and preparing for the show. Adam is sitting in one of the chairs, a miserable look on his face. He coughs and sighs, casting a sidelong glance at Anthony and pulling a blanket over himself.)

**ADAM:**  
(in nasally, somewhat congested voice) What do you think, Anthony?

**ANTHONY:**  
(turns to him with a sympathetic shake of the head) Can you sing? Do you feel up to it?

**ADAM:**  
(sighing) I don't know.

**ANTHONY:**

What do you mean?

**ADAM:**  
I don't know, Anth. I want to do the show, because people will be disappointed if I don't. Although… Cary _would_ get some action, finally. That poor guy, understudies always live in the shadows of others. … I think I can go though. I just have to stay out of the cold and get some good sleep tonight. I'll be fine.

**ANTHONY:**  
Go, if you feel like you can. How do you feel compared to yesterday? Because you sounded just fine yesterday.

**ADAM:**  
(sighing again) I feel worse, but still better than I felt last Sunday night.

**ANTHONY:**

It's because you've been doing the show and not letting yourself get better, I think. It's been eight days since you started feeling shitty. Colds don't have to last that long. During the show, you sound ok, although Lexi is always careful about proximity to you during the Roger/Mimi scenes, and everyone keeps their distance. I'm not saying you shouldn't go if you truly feel like you can… but only if you really feel up to it. What if this continues on, though? For two weeks, even? You'll end up miserable and not have any fun.

**ADAM:**  
I'm fine… I'll be okay. I just won't stagedoor.

**ANTHONY:**  
OK.

(Adam's cell phone rings.)

**ADAM:**  
(looking to the table across the room) Anthony, can you grab that?

**ANTHONY:**

(picks it up, listening) Hello…? Yeah, he's pretty much the same as last night. Uh-huh… he said he's ok, he wants to do the show… I think that it's up to him…. yes. Okay, see you. (ends call, says to Adam) It was Cary… he wanted to know if you were still on for tonight.

**ADAM:**  
(laughing half-heartedly) Did you tell him I'm sorry, but yes?

**ANTHONY:**

Haha, sort of. But hey, if you still feel bad tomorrow, I think you should think about letting him at least do the matinee, so you could rest all day and maybe be better for the night show. You know… just skip one show.

**ADAM:**

I hate skipping out on those fangirls, though. They get angry enough as it is when I don't come out to sign autographs. (Anthony gives him a serious look,) Okay, listen… if I don't improve at least a little by tomorrow, Cary can go on for me.

**ANTHONY:**

(satisfied) Ok.

**ADAM:**

I haven't stagedoored once except the first night during this tour stop. Real serious stuff. You don't understand… my Facebook is littered with them whining all sadly about me not meeting them or whatever. Anthony… will you at least stagedoor tonight, so I get less hate mail? (Anthony looks panicked) Please? Just go out, I'll make it up to you, I promise. You don't even have to stay out there long, just sign a couple, please them a little?

**ANTHONY:**  
(heaving a great sigh) Oh, what the hell. Sure, I'll do it.

**ADAM:**  
Excellent. Thanks, buddy. (coughs) Okay… well, I guess I'd better get ready if I'm going to do this.

**ANTHONY:**  
You sure you're ok to do this?

**ADAM:**  
Sure… I'm bringing some cough drops… I'll drink water and stuff during the song breaks when I'm bored on that metal table.

**ANTHONY:**

All right… (dubious)

(Adam's cell phone rings again. This time… he picks it up.)

**ADAM:**  
(with a cough) Yeah? Hey, Lexi… yes, I am. Why not? … I'm ok, I promise. I just… don't want to disappoint people… yeah. I'm sure they understand the importance of getting well… but… I just… it's ... complicated. Ok… see you. Bye. (hangs up)

(Then, there is a knock on the door. Anthony answers it.)

**TELLY:**  
(bursting into the hotel room) Heeeellloo! Adam, you still feeling icky? Damn, you better get better soon, the tour'll be over before you kick this.

**ADAM:**  
(laughing) Well… you'll understand when you're an old man and your immune system starts to go downhill.

**ANTHONY:**  
You're not even forty, yet, Adam. So, Telly, I heard you, Andy, and Karmine went out to lunch. Good food here?

**TELLY:**  
Not bad.

**ADAM:**

(taking some cold medicine) We need to make another late night cheesesteak run, that shit was delicious.

**TELLY:**

Yes! I heard there's a good joint for that at one of the upcoming stops… we'll do that. That is, when we get there in a month.

**ADAM:**

(coughing on cold medicine) Arrrgggh.

**ANTHONY:**  
(grimacing) Isn't that marvelous?

**TELLY:**

(raising an eyebrow) Man. You sound awful.

**ADAM:**

I'll be fine… I'm going to skip stagedoor.

**TELLY:**  
Skipping stagedoor? Oh shit…

* * *

(We see a bunch of RENTheads gathered outside the theater at the stagedoor after the show, shivering in the cold. They are talking.)

**ONE RENTHEAD:**

(excitedly) I saw Lexi, the girl who plays Mimi… I saw her walking down the street this morning! I talked to her, she was pretty nice!

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**  
(angrily) Lexi? My God, she plays Mimi?! That bitch. (immediately takes it back) Sorry. She's just a lucky girl… kissing Adam Pascal every night for months. What'd she say, anything interesting?

**ONE RENTHEAD:**  
Oh, sort of. Just that she hoped we like the show and all. Which we did. (looks to the door) We'll have to tell her if she comes out… (pauses, eyeing the very small crowd accompanying them) No one's stagedooring, probably 'cause it's so cold… I hope at least someone comes out… (then, like clockwork, Anthony comes out the door)

(There is a chorus of screams and rustling of feet.)

**STILL ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**

(screaming) ANTHONY!!!!!

**ANTHONY:**

(comes over, holding out a sharpie) Hi, girls.

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**  
Holy crap, you were so awesome! I can't even believe it!! Where's Adam?

**ANTHONY:**  
(awkwardly) Uh, thanks. Glad you enjoyed the show.

**ONE OF THE RENTHEADS:**  
Adam sounded a little hoarse… but I guess that's understandable, you guys must be singing an awful lot… (loses self- control) AAAAAH, oh my god, you were so incredible!

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**  
(frantically) Where is Adam??!!!

**ANTHONY:**  
(to other RENThead) Thanks, thank you. (signs playbill) You're welcome, honey.

**RENTHEAD:**

Break a leg on your last day here tomorrow!

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**

OH MY GOD WHERE IS ADAM??!

(Lexi starts to approach.)

**RENTHEAD:**

(the same one dissing her earlier) Lexi, what a bitch, she's a…. lucky lucky girl…ugh, I hate that woman, she – (sees Lexi standing there) Whoops. You had a lovely show. Will you sign my playbill?

**LEXI:**  
No problem.

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**

WHERE IS ADAM?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!

**LEXI:**  
Good, I'm glad you liked the show. Your first time seeing it? Cool.

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD: **  
WHAT THE HELL ADAM HAD BETTER NOT BE SKIPPING STAGEDOOR THAT IS SO MEAN OH MY GOD!!!!

**RENTHEAD:**  
Lexi, can you sign mine too?

**LEXI:**

Of course.  
**  
ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**  
(managing to be calm) Do you know where Adam is, Lexi?

**LEXI:**

Uh… no. I don't, sorry.  
**  
RENTHEAD:**  
(comforting the fan who asks, who looks horror-stricken) You know, maybe he'll come out after awhile… if he wants to. (accepting playbill) Thanks, Lexi, you were an awesome Mimi.

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**

NO. I MUST MEET ADAM. I AM HIS BIGGEST FAN! HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO ME?

**LEXI:**

(to other RENThead) Thank you so much!

(The stagedoor opens.)

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
ADAAAAM?!!!!!

**NICOLETTE:**

(coming out) HEEEEY!

**RENTHEAD:**  
Hey, Nicolette? Can you come over here?  
**  
ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
(frowning at Nicolette) I guess I was hoping you were Adam.

**NICOLETTE:**

(nonchalantly) Adam already left. (seeing the horror on her face) Um… he hasn't been feeling well lately and he's tired… it's pretty late.

**RENTHEAD:**  
Oh well. Anyway, you were a great Maureen!

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
HE WHAT????!!!!!!!

**NICOLETTE:**  
(awkwardly) Look, I'm sorry. I'll tell him you said hi and nice job in the show if you want?

**RENTHEAD:**  
Don't worry about it. Tell him we hope he feels better.

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
What the HELL? He can't come out here for a few minutes? There's not even a lot of people! That's so mean!

**NICOLETTE:**

(annoyed) Do you want me to sign yours or not?

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
(hands it to her) Fine. But I liked Eden Espinosa better. No offense, ok?

**NICOLETTE:**

(still annoyed) None taken.  
**  
RENTHEAD:**  
No way, you were ten times better than Eden.

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**

I can't believe the nerve of Adam! (snatches signed playbill from Nicolette) What is his problem?

**RENTHEAD:**  
(it's becoming clear this is the model RENThead and the other one needs to STFU) But it's late and he's sick and he did the show, he's probably wiped and need sleep, and he's probably already in pajamas by now. I hope he gets better.

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**

(sighing angrily) Oh boo hoo. He ruined my whole night.

**NICOLETTE:**

(has had enough) Um… glad you guys enjoyed the show. Bye! (moves to other side of crowd)

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**

I hate Adam Pascal.

**RENTHEAD:**  
Oh, shut up! At least he sang in the show, he didn't have to do that!  
**  
ANGRY RENTHEAD:**

I know… but god, I really wanted his autograph! This sucks.

**RENTHEAD:**  
Ok, so you're disappointed. But seriously, it didn't ruin your whole night.

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**

Yes it did.

**ANTHONY:**

(finally cutting in) Hey, stop it. It's not that often that Adam skips stagedoor, and when he does, he doesn't do it to spite you all. I came out here because he wanted me to at least be here, that's how bad he felt. Just at least know that. Adam's not some jerk.

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
I didn't say that!

**ANTHONY:**  
That's what you're inferring.

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
No, you mean that's what I'm implying. And I'm not implying it, you inferred it. Wait, what?

**ANTHONY:**  
(sighing) Nothing… I can't believe I said anything. (to other RENTheads) Have a good night, everyone. (leaves)

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**

Geez, what was his problem?

**OTHER RENTHEADS:**

(collective sigh)

**RENTHEAD:**

Let's get back to the hotel- that show took a lot out of me, I'm tired.

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**

(grumbling) Fine. Make dumb excuses like he did. Say you're tired. Don't be angry like me.

**RENTHEAD:**  
Should we be?

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**  
Why should we be?

**RENTHEAD:**  
Are you saying we should be mad at Adam for not feeling well?

**ANGRY** **RENTHEAD:**

Are you saying we shouldn't be frustrated because he skipped out on us because of a little stuffy nose?

**RENTHEADS:**

(collective gasp) Oh, great Larson! (defensive) What are you saying…?

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
What are YOU saying? I'm saying --  
IT MAKES ME SICK THAT  
ADAM WAS SICK  
OR AT LEAST SAID HE WAS SICK  
OH MAN, WHAT A DICK  
HE SHOULD HAVE STAGEDOORED  
I MEAN, EVERYONE ELSE STAGEDOORED  
HE PROBABLY JUST HAD A LITTLE COLD ANYWAY!

* * *

(Back in hotel room, Adam laments to Anthony about feeling guilty.)

**ADAM:**  
IF I'D KNOWN  
AFTER _WHAT YOU OWN_  
THAT I'D FEEL LIKE UTTER SHIT  
AND RENTHEADS WOULD THROW A FIT  
I WOULD HAVE COME OUT  
OH, I SHOULD HAVE COME OUT  
(coughing) OH GOD…  
THEY'LL KILL ME IF A MISS A DAY!

**ANTHONY:**  
I WAS AFRAID THAT  
THEY'D BE ANGRY  
IF I TOLD THEM  
THAT I WAS AFRAID OF

COMING OUT IN THE COLD  
ONLY ONE HAD A PROBLEM  
WITH YOUR PROBLEM  
AND SHE SEEMED LIKE A TOTAL BRAT TO ME!

* * *

(Back outside, walking down the sidewalks, the RENTheads gape at the angry RENThead.)

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
YES, I KNOW THAT  
PEOPLE GET ILL  
EVEN ANTHONY WILL  
BUT YOU TAKE A PILL  
AND YOU KEEP ON GOING  
EVEN IF IT'S SNOWING  
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE  
ADAM RUINED RENT FOR ME!

* * *

(Hotel room.)

**ADAM:**  
I SHOULD'VE GONE.

**ANTHONY:**  
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE.

**ADAM:**  
I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH THOSE… (coughs)

**ANTHONY:**  
NEVER MIND THAT

**ADAM:**  
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS…

**ANTHONY:**

SHE SHOULD'VE BEEN AT LEAST GLAD YOU COULD SING.

**ADAM:**  
AND I MEANT WHAT I SAID  
WHEN I SAID I'M SORRY.

**ANTHONY:**  
I'M NOT MAD THAT  
YOU GOT SICK  
I HEARD YOU'RE VOICE CRACK  
WHEN YOU SANG _ANOTHER DAY_

**ADAM:**  
IF I'M NOT BETTER  
BY TOMORROW, OH SHIT  
IT'LL BE EVEN WORSE  
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO TAKE  
A REAL SICK DAY!

**ANTHONY: **  
IT MAKES ME MAD  
THAT SHE WAS MAD  
I MEAN REALLY REALLY MAD  
THE OTHERS WERE KINDA SAD  
BUT THEY SAID OH WELL  
AND DIDN'T THROW A FIT OF HELL  
AND TOLD ME TO TELL YOU

THEY HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON!

**ADAM:**

I FEEL AWFUL

GOD I FEEL SO GUILTY

BUT I FEEL

I FEEL REALLY SICK...

* * *

(Outside.)

**ANGRY RENTHEAD:**  
IF I'D GOT THAT  
AUTOGRAPH AND HUG  
I WOULDN'T BE SO MAD  
I'M REALLY MAD, SO VERY MAD  
REALLY MAD  
I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT  
WHAT I SAID  
TO ANTHONY

I MEANT EVERY WORD!

* * *

(Hotel room.)

**ANTHONY:**  
I'M NOT MAD IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT  
YOU WERE SICK  
DON'T WORRY ADAM  
THAT FANGIRL WAS DAMN INSANE

**ADAM:**

IF I WERE HER AND I'D  
DONE WHAT I'D DID  
I'D BE PRETTY UPSET  
BUT NOT LIKE THAT  
OH WOW, WHAT A PAIN! (putting cough drop in his mouth.)

**ANTHONY:**  
BUT NOW I HAVE A HEADACHE  
**  
ADAM:**  
GOT CONGESTION IN MY CHEST  
NOW IT'S 1 A.M.

**ANTHONY:**  
AND WE HAVE MATINEE TOMORROW,  
WELL, MAYBE NOT YOU…

**ADAM:**  
(sighing) SO LET'S JUST GET SOME REST.

* * *

GODDAMN THAT WAS CATHARTIC.

I've been angry at fangirls like that dumbass fictional one since forever.

Since they yelled at Adam on MySpace every time he missed a show during his return on Broadway… for when he got the stomach flu and when he got hurt.

Since they complained on his Facebook about him missing some stagedoors on the tour lately and he felt so bad he actually got on and apologized. (What the hell? He didn't even need to do that! If he doesn't feel well, he's not obligated to come out and stagedoor! He doesn't even have to IF he feels well… he just does 'cause he's nice!)

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:

Since someone graffitied on the Nederlander about him missing one show because he was ill. "ADAM PASCAL – I HOPE YOU ARE PROUD OF YOURSELF, YOU RUINED MY DAUGHTER'S SWEET SIXTEEN."

….sorry. It's a touchy subject for me. I wish people would… well, not do shit like that.

ANYWAY.

Reviews please? And check out my homepage! It's a RENT fansite. I'm the admin. We need new members! It's FUN!


	7. SO TIRED

**So I realize it's been a few days and all but I've been busy! And I got sick too. :( ****I'm in the school musical (_Bye Bye Birdie!) _which is premiering at the beginning of April – lots of practicing and stuff. So that also took up some time. ****Thanks for your reviews and support. :D**

**I feel bad though, I don't believe in such things, but DID I CURSE ADAM PASCAL?!!! :O i didn't, the man is just danger-prone. I swear, he IS. Jeeeeezzzz... I can't believe all the shit that happens to him! More on that at the end. **

**Hahaha, enjoy!**

* * *

(Another passage of time has occurred. Another hotel room… of course.)

**ANTHONY:**

(sitting, thinking aloud) Monday morning. The tour has taken us through every degree of exhaustion but we've enjoyed it so much. Here we are again, enjoying the hustle and bustle of this city and its Theater District. You should see these theaters! The only problem with this particular city is… some of the people who come, the older people who don't know what RENT is… well, every other show's from London and every ticket costs a jaw-dropping one hundred and fifty bucks. I guess that's what they want – the "real" operas, the classics, the safe musicals… well, that makes me think of snoring businessmen and busloads of sweet old ladies from Connecticut with their frosted hair and glasses, and their way too conservative view on life for RENT-- I want no part of it. I definitely prefer the raging mobs of crazed adolescents to these audiences – at least you feel like your work is appreciated!

**ADAM:**  
(sits up from spot on one of the beds, chiming in) But let's face it: RENT is still a hot ticket. This is a revolution for the musical theater world and for years it has been building in momentum. Presenting songs in countless theaters, touching hearts, changing lives...

**ANTHONY:**

But you must admit, we are losing some of the kids that could make up a future RENT fan base of the youth to the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus… and by an imitation musical so horrid its name may not be uttered aloud by me, H--- S----- Mu-----.

**ADAM: **

People dig musicals with rock music. A contradiction in terms. Broadway's kicked RENT aside, so the tour's pretty popular.

**ANTHONY:**

RENT will have a revival, anyway. You know it will. It is good enough for Broadway, that magical street of dreams… and at the same time, it is too good for Broadway, that  
shameless commercial whore!! Broadway is starting to lose its luster… I mean seriously, Shrek the Musical?

**ADAM:**  
(yawning) Ew. So… we've got a couple hours before the show. I say… naptime. I need to curl up in a blanket before I venture out into the cold outdoors… where are my grey flannel pajamas?

**ANTHONY:**  
(nodding) A nap sounds amazing. Seriously… let's let the understudies take a show, and let's sleep all night… wait, what am I saying? That's asking for death by angry fangirls.

**ADAM:**  
Haha, we just hide. Have Telly take a message. "Sorry, Adam and Anthony are not available and cannot be reached…" We'll resurface at the next tour stop.

**ANTHONY:**

It won't work…(starts singing) I look before I leap… (stops) Ah, fuck. It haunts me. That's not even a Mark line!

**ADAM:**

(wistfully) That's pretty sad.

**ANTHONY:**

I'm hungry.

**ADAM:**  
(with shifty eyes) Uh, I think the vending machine is jammed.

**ANTHONY:**

What'd you do? Ah, never mind… I'll order room service. (picks up phone)Room service? Hi…room 525. Yes, please. Just bring up a cart of stuff. (to his roommate) I'll pick up the tab, Adam. (back on phone) By the way, your vending machine is jammed. Thought you'd want to know.

(Downstairs, a bunch of RENTheads are huddled around a phone.)

**RENTHEAD:**

(into phone) Oh yes, room service will be right up, sir. (stifles a giggle as she hangs up)

**OTHER RENTHEADS:**  
(loading food onto a cart) RENT… RENT… RENT…

(About ten minutes later. There is a knock on the door to Adam and Anthony's room. Adam is in his aforementioned pajamas and is huddled under a blanket in one of the beds, watching _So You Think You Can Dance. _Anthony sighs and goes to the door.)

**ANTHONY:**

(wrenching door open dramatically) Damn, I'm starved… we are so glad you're here… come in! (eyeing cart of food) Check this shit out, Adam… yummy! We're all about food, thanks for bringing this up. (looks up, just now seeing that the people who brought the cart in were a bunch of teenagers in RENT shirts.)

**RENTHEADS:**

(with frantic glances to Adam, who is absorbed in the TV, to Anthony) AAAAAAAAH! AHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**ADAM:**

(jumps, startled, hits head on ceiling, screams) HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!??! (lands back on bed, rubbing his sore head) OW FUCK!

**ANTHONY:**  
(as RENTheads freeze, foaming at the mouth) Uh… Adam? We have a problem. A BIG problem.

**ADAM:**

(looks over at group of RENTheads, terrified) Ah shit, just what I didn't need today… (starts to dive for phone, but a RENThead snatches it and rips the cord in half. Another RENThead confiscates the two cell phones laying on the table and throws them in the towel bin.)

**RENTHEAD:**  
(approaching Adam, who stumbles away from her) OH MY GOD, MY IDOL, ADAM PASCAL IS RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME, IN HIS PAJAMAS… SEXIER THAN EVER!

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**

(grabs Anthony's arm) ANTHONY! OH SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

**ANTHONY:**

(trying to get away) Yeah… squee.

**ADAM:**

(scared) Listen kids, I'll give you an autograph, anything you want, just please… (shields his face)

**RENTHEAD:**

You guys are so… (drools, starting toward Adam.)

(The group splits between our two RENT heroes, surrounding them both.)

**RENTHEAD:**

…. Amazing.

**ANTHONY: **  
Everyone, please! (pauses) SHIT ANOTHER RENT LINE! HELP ME!!!

**RENTHEADS:**

(chanting) Amazing… Adam… Anthony… sexy… really sexy…

**ANTHONY:**

(trying to wave them off) Uh, hello? How old are you girls, anyway? (notices one of them starting to go through his suitcase) HEY! GET OUT OF THERE!

**RENTHEAD:**

Anthony… I love you. (squeezes him)

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**

(pulls something out of suitcase) Ooooohhh.

**ANTHONY:**

(frustrated) Hey! That's my underwear!

**SPASTIC RENTHEAD:**

(has Adam backed into a corner, is flailing her arms around and squealing) ADAM! OH MY GOD ADAM I LOVE YOU!

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**

He's so totally hot!

**ONE OF THE RENTHEADS:**

I said that already. (also comes over to Adam, who looks like he's going to hyperventilate again)

**ADAM:**

(scared shitless) … um.

**ANTHONY:**

(screaming over the din) GIRLS! WHAT DO YOU WANT?

**RENTHEADS:**

(in chorus, drooling) We…. love… you…

**ADAM:**

(trying to be reasonable) Okay, but we are human, you know. We have a right to kick every one of you out of here… even though we're sorely outnumbered.

**RENTHEAD:**

(sighing dreamily) Oh, Adam… you're not human… you're a beast! A SEXY BEAST!

**ADAM:**

(not denying it) Ok, but this sexy beast wants some personal space. (They come even closer.)

**RENTHEAD:**

You guys don't understand… we RENTheads… in our faith and our… civilization, you guys are like the Founding Fathers.

**ANOTHER** **RENTHEAD:**

(still giggling over Anthony's underwear as he tries to get it from her) More like the Pilgrims.

**RENTHEAD:**

And the OBC was like… the first Thanksgiving.

**ANTHONY:**

(confused, snatches his underwear) So….?

**RENTHEAD:**

So being anywhere in your proximity… especially seeing you in RENT… is like… LOVE.

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**

Sex.  
**  
RENTHEAD:**

Pleasure.

**RENTHEADS:**

Desire. Lust. Urge. Hot. Sing to me.

**ADAM:**

WHAT?!!

**RENTHEADS:**

Yes. Sing to us and we might leave you alone.

**ADAM:**

Might?

**ANTHONY:**

Girls… we're really tired, ok?

**RENTHEADS:**

NOOOOOO!

**ONE RENTHEAD:**

Adam, sing One Song Glory again!

**ANOTHER RENTHEAD:**

No, sing What You Own!

**RENTHEAD:**

Yummy!

**ADAM:**  
(pulling at his hair) WHEN WILL THIS END?

**RENTHEAD:**  
(gushing) You guys are just so…terrific! If you won't sing… I want to move to phase two, turning these general concepts of RENThead paradise into reality. Any ideas, RENTheads?

**ONE RENTHEAD:**  
I've got it.

**ANTHONY:**  
(he and Adam are trapped, boxed in on opposite sides of the room by girls) You've got what? (wary)

**RENTHEAD:**

Let's tie them up and steal them!

**ANTHONY:**

(gulps) Uh… wow.

(There's a beat of silence.)

**ADAM:**

Girls, I will find a way to call security, so you might want to just… leave the room of your own will.

**RENTHEADS:**

(still swarming around them) YEAH RIGHT!

**ADAM:**

So much for that.

**ANTHONY:**  
(as the fangirls come closer) Do you think they were serious?

**ADAM:**

(breathing heavily) I wouldn't put it past them, they ARE RENTheads, after all.

**ANTHONY:**  
Bullshit. They wouldn't try.

**ADAM:**

Probably not.

**ANTHONY:**  
What do we do? They're never leaving!

**ADAM:**  
Come on. They have to go away sometime, right?

**ANTHONY:**  
Maybe if we pay them to. Hm, girls?

**RENTHEAD:**  
(laughing) Money? You think money matters to us in this situation? (laughing harder)

**ADAM:**  
That wasn't a joke, you know.

**ANTHONY:**  
You don't belong in here. We need personal space. Come and see us after the show tonight.

(The RENTheads don't budge)

**ANTHONY:**  
Or…not. Shit, Adam, what if they don't let us go? The understudies will HAVE to go on… and people will be mad… irate mobs will chase us… ahhhh no!

**ADAM:**  
Do you ever miss NOT having fans?

**ANTHONY:**

I don't miss working at Starbucks. Most of the fans are good, anyway.

**ADAM:**  
(hyperventilating) Not g-good enough. (points of fangirls who are whispering together excitedly, still surrounding them) R-r-right there is p-p-p-proof.

**ANTHONY:**  
Adam? You all right?

**ADAM:**  
(obviously isn't) Yeah.

**ANTHONY:**  
Okay, so what do we do?

**ADAM:**

Pray. (sighs) They get me the best hotels. I'm not complaining. But…

**ANTHONY:**  
I know.

**RENTHEADS:**

OH MY GOD WE LOVE YOU AAAAAH!

**ADAM:**  
I usually don't mind that. But when you're squeezed into a hotel room with us, it's not the same as stagedoor or something. Come on, girls.

(Beat.)

**RENTHEADS:**

(ignoring him) AAAAAAH LIKE OH MY FREAKING GOD ITS ADAM AND ANTHONY!!!! WHAT SHOULD WE DO? THEY'RE SO HOT OH MY GOD!

**ANTHONY:**  
I just – Sometimes I wonder. The life we lead... it doesn't sound so bad. But in some cases… I need more. Some peace, you know?

**ADAM:**

(with a yawn) Yeah?

**ANTHONY:**  
(sighing) Sometimes I wish I could.  
RENTHEADS  
ACROSS THE COUNTRY  
ARE SCREAMING WITH JOY  
CONVERGING  
UPON THE THEATERS…  
IT'S CRAZY AS HELL

I AM SO TIRED  
SO TIRED!

(The RENTheads have hushed since Anthony started singing, they stare in awe.)

**ADAM: **(joining in)  
I HAVE A WIFE  
AND TWO CHILDREN  
BUT GIRLS COME IN MY ROOM  
TEENAGERS  
SCREECHING OF MY HOTNESS  
I JUST WANT TO PERFORM THEN REST

**ADAM / (ANTHONY):**  
I AM SO TIRED! (SO TIRED!)  
SO VERY TIRED (I'M TIRED, I'M FUCKING WIPED)

**ANTHONY:**  
WHY DO THEY STALK US EVERYWHERE

**ADAM:**  
EVEN TO LODGING PLACES  
WHY IN MY NIGHTMARES DO I SEE  
RESEMBLANCES OF THEIR SCREAMING FACES?

**ANTHONY:**  
ALMOST LIKE

THE BREATH

OF A FANGIRL

**ADAM:**  
IS ALWAYS ON YOUR NECK

**ANTHONY:**  
THEY LOVE US

WE LOVE IT

BUT SOMETIMES IT'S TOO MUCH

WE'RE JUST TWO GUYS…

**ANTHONY/ (ADAM):**  
AND WE'RE SO TIRED (TIRED)  
WE'RE ALWAYS TIRED (I'M TIRED, WE'RE SO DAMN TIRED)  
REALLY TIRED (I AM TIRED)  
SO-O-O TIRED (I AM TIRED, HE IS TIRED, WE ARE SO…)

**ANTHONY:**  
WE ARE SO… TIRED.

(Grabbing two shovels they packed specifically for the occasion, they literally dig themselves out and hurry down to get security to remove the RENTheads from their room. By the time that is cleared up, it's time to leave for the theater.)

**ADAM AND ANTHONY:**

(yawn at the same time)

**ANTHONY:**  
(with a laugh, claps Adam on the shoulder) Have a good show, okay?

**ADAM:**  
Yeah… but they will probably be at stagedoor…

**ANTHONY:**

(look of utter horror)

(In the distance, they hear… "RENT… RENT… RENT… AAAAAH!")

* * *

**Uggggh. LONG AND HARD TO WRITE.**

**I hope it didn't suck?**

**PLEASE REVIEWWW!**

Oh, and about Adam. He's out for an entire tour stop. Detriot. Herniated disc... DAMN. I KNEW he'd get hurt... but GEESH, that's NOT GOOD. I'm seriously keeping the poor guy in my thoughts. :( (huggles him, gently)

Next chapter... I don't know, but I need to make one about Adam's injury, no? :/

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR AAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDAM. :(


	8. ROGER OH YEAH

Hiiiii!

I'm in a really good mood so I thought it might be a good idea to work on this! I've been laughing and having a lot of fun (rehearsals for the musical have that effect on me) so yeah…

Here's the chapter I promised about Adam's little predicament. :(

* * *

(We're in another hotel room. It's in Detroit this time. Anthony has just entered, and Adam freezes in place, by the kitchenette in their hotel room. There is a pained expression on Adam's face as he drops an empty coffee mug in the sink and slowly walks toward a big, stiff-looking hotel armchair.)

**ANTHONY:**

(taking off his coat) I suppose its stupid to even ask, but how are you doing?

**ADAM:**

(groaning) How am I doing? It takes me an hour and a half to get up to go to the bathroom! I've got to just sit here and "recuperate" and I'm bored out of my mind!

**ANTHONY:**

We missed you at rehearsal. We just ran through some of the numbers, but most of it was like a big party. (picks up pill bottle) When did you take your last dose of pain meds?

**ADAM:**  
(in a quiet voice) A long time ago…I need something fast. All that walking, just to put that mug in the sink… ugh. Only one thing can cure me. And that's not doing the show.

**ANTHONY:**

(watches Adam swallow a pill and put a fluffy pillow under his injured neck) I'll tell the producers. They'll let everyone know.

**ADAM:**

(sad face)

**ANTHONY:**

(sympathetic face)

* * *

(The fangirls are skipping down the street to the theater, arms linked, getting there early in hopes of meeting some actors beforehand.)

**FANGIRLS:**

HE MAY NOT KNOW US

BUT HE'S REALLY OUR PAL  
HE'S OH SO SEXY  
OUR ADAM PASCAL  
WE DON'T CARE THAT HE'S MARRIED  
AND HAS TWO KIDS  
ADAM STOLE OUR HEARTS  
HE REALLY DID.  
OH – OH – OH… ROGER!  
HE'S SO FINE!  
WE'RE SO JEALOUS OF MIMI  
IT BLOWS OUR MINDS!  
ROGER – HE'S GOT THE POWER  
AND WE'LL SEE ADAM ONSTAGE

FOR 2 AND A HALF HOURS  
2 AND A HALF HOURS

2 AND A HALF HOURS

2 AND A HALF HOURS!

**FANGIRL #1:**  
I grew up on my mom's tapes of HAIR and The Phantom of the Opera, and like you, dearest other RENTheads, I have quite the taste for musicals . I go for the original high-powered gut-busting rock musicals usually though.

**FANGIRL #2"**  
I like all musicals! Especially Aida! Adam was in that too! HE'S SO HOT OH MY GOD!

**FANGIRL #3:**

(spies merch counter) OH MY GOD LET'S GET RENT SHIRTS!

(They stampede the counter)

**COUNTER GUY:**  
(looks scared) Yeah?

**FANGIRL #3:**

Hi, yeah, I'll just take these, uh, programs, and a stuffed cow, and uh, three RENT t-shirts, and a poster.

**COUNTER GUY:**  
(eyes items in her hands) And three copies of Adam Pascal's new CD?

**FANGIRL #1:**

Right. (looks at items like they're crack and she's a junkie)

**FANGIRL #2:**  
(has wandered over to the sign in the theater that says who will play what part) GUYS?!!

**FANGIRL #3:**  
(looks at it too) Oh my God.

**FANGIRL #2:**  
(running over) What? What is it?

**FANGIRL #2:**  
(in tiny voice) It's Adam Pascal! Where's his name? He's in the show. She's incredibly hot, he MUST be in it! That's not why they cast him, that would be wrong, he is talented and he's got a great voice, but let's face it, I've fantasized about him more than once and now here it does not say his name next to "ROGER DAVIS" and we're acting oblivious to this travesty and buying souvenirs????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**FANGIRL #3:**  
How is this possible?

**FANGIRL #1:**

It's not! It cannot be true!

**FANGIRL #2:**  
GEEZ!!! I was so excited about the show, it is going to be so good, Adam is so gifted, I've been telling everyone... I can't… this is… (loses ability to speak)

**FANGIRL #3:**  
NO ADAM??!!!

**FANGIRL #1:**  
The show might still be good, guys. I just think it's so incredible, even without Adam but I was really hoping to see him…

**COUNTER GUY**  
You want me to bag these, ladies? (gestures to items) You still want them?

**FANGIRL #1:**  
Bag, please.

**FANGIRL #2:**  
(disoriented) What are those?

**FANGIRL #1:**

Our souvenirs?!!. We just picked them out, remember?

**FANGIRL #3:**

(has noticed a paper tacked to the wall, explaining Adam's absence from the show)  
HE'S INJURED???!!! OH MY GOD! NOT ADAM!

**CARY SHIELDS:**

(has unknowingly just walked in on this unfolding situation, notices girls and Fangirl #1 who has taken their bag of RENT stuff) Hi there. I'm Cary… (moves to shake Fangirl #1's hand)

**FANGIRL #2:**

Cary?

**FANGIRL #3:**

You're in the show? (narrows eyes)

**CARY:**  
NOW FANGIRLS,

THIS DOES NOT NEED

TO BE BLOODY…

I'LL BE PORTRAYING ROGER

I'M ADAM'S UNDERSTUDY!

* * *

(Adam is sitting in that chair still in the hotel room, flipping through TV channels)

**ADAM:**  
THEY MIGHT BE PISSED (OW)  
BUT I DON'T CA-A-ARE  
ROGER – ROGER- ROGER (OW)  
IS CONFINED TO A CHAIR!

* * *

**(Back at THEATER.)**

**FANGIRL #2:**  
SEEING RENT TONIGHT!

**FANGIRL #3 and #1:**  
WE SOMETIMES GET REAL SILLY  
BUT ROGER REALLY IS OUR FAVE!

**FANGIRL #2:**

WE CAME

**FANGIRL #1:**  
PRETTY FAR…

**FANGIRL #3**  
TRY HUNDREDS OF MILES  
ROGER – ROGER -ROGER  
ADAM, OH, POOR THING!

**CARY:**  
(not even gonna lie)

THAT'S VERY SWEET…  
ONLY THING I KNOW IS  
ADAM'S HURT  
HE'S REALLY A MESS, OH YES.

**FANGIRLS:**

(start to surround Cary, because he is pretty cool, I mean come on!)  
ROGER OH YEAH (ROGER ROGER OH YEAH)  
ROGER OH YEAH (ROGER ROGER)  
CARY NOT ADAM

AT LEAST FOR AWHILE  
R-O-G-E-R!

(They cheer.)

* * *

Overall, Cary got great reviews, even from people missing Adam. And I met him in Cleveland and he was really cute and nice and I was like AWWW.

My aunt asked if he was in the show and he said "Kind of. I only go on if Adam gets sick."

AHA! If only he'd known then… Adam would provide a nice little slot for him to really shine.

:)

Poor Adam. He's getting better. The official word from the man himself is he has two herniated discs in his neck and he'll be back in the show ASAP.

REVIEWWWWW???


	9. SEE THE SHOW

It's been awhile, hi!

The school musical is stealing all my free time, but it's really starting to come together, it's cool! The show starts on the 2nd!

Thank you for the awesome reviews, everyone!

This is a pretty short song, SORRY!

* * *

The stage is in black. A spotlight falls on Anthony, alone.

**ANTHONY:**

Rehearsal is going well. Adam's feeling so much better. I think we're going to be ready for the opening performance in no time. This city is so full of RENThead energy! I'm so excited I can barely sit still!

Adam appears.

**ADAM:**  
Maybe this is it. Maybe we'll be too old to do theater ever again—this tour—it's sad to think about, yes… but the RENT cast is kind of meant to be full of 20-somethings. Not middle-aged men. We're the originals, we get away with it.

**ANTHONY:**  
(horrified) Oh my God, that is all so true!

-~-~-~-~-~-

We see a sad teenage RENThead, sitting on a chair in her bedroom.

**RENTHEAD:**

(lamenting) Adam's beautiful voice singing One Song Glory really helps me get through terrible cramfests of studying. RENT means so much to me. I walk home to Daphne's Out Tonight everyday and it makes me so bouncy. And during the bus ride to school, I look out the window and listen to A&A sing What You Own. I'd die if I met anyone related to the show. I'm so jealous of anyone who's seen it live. A&A or otherwise, I don't care. I have a million pictures of Jesse L. Martin and Wilson Jermaine Heredia in a brown paper bad on my desk. I have a red and blue sweater like Mark's. I used to wear glasses like his before I contacts. At my job, all day as I work, I think of RENT, and it makes everything better. I wish I could be out there with the cast during La Vie Boheme, dancing like a real dancer. RENT's touring around the country with Adam and Anthony right now. Is it coming to my town? No. But it's not like I'm even surprised. It never comes anywhere near me. I used to dream of somehow traveling to New York, but it's not even there anymore. I wish more than anything I could just see RENT. What if it doesn't ever come here? What if I turn 30 and nothing's changed? I'm worried I'm setting myself up for a big disappointment. Maybe I'll never see RENT! Maybe… oh god. I don't want to be disappointed.

(She stands, singing to the audience)

**RENTHEAD:**  
IT'S NOT FAIR, I SAY  
THAT THE TOUR WON'T COME NEAR ME  
NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE  
ABOUT THE MUSICAL I'VE BEEN DYING TO SEE

WHOEVER SCHEDULED THE TOUR BROKE MY HEART

WHOEVER SCHEDULED THE TOUR BROKE MY HEART

WHOEVER SCHEDULED THE TOUR BROKE MY HEART  
OH - I JUST WANT TO SEE THE SHOW.

IT'S SUCH A DRAG, I SAY  
THAT RENT'S NOT IN NYC  
NEVER MIND JETLAG - I SAY  
I'D USE MY COLLEGE SAVINGS MONEY!

OH OH OH  
WHOEVER SCHEDULED THE TOUR BROKE MY HEART

WHOEVER SCHEDULED THE TOUR BROKE MY HEART

WHOEVER SCHEDULED THE TOUR BROKE MY HEART  
OH - I JUST WANT TO SEE THE SHOW.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

**ADAM:**

(yawning) Maybe we ARE too old. I mean… don't get me wrong, we look GOOD, but I feel like laying down and sleeping and not getting up until next week. (sighs) I'll see you at the opening night party, okay?

**ANTHONY:**  
Hold on. Look, we're both tired. I've been like dead weight, dragging around. You've had panic attacks, like hysterical…

**ADAM:**  
Only ever since the RENThead infiltrated our hotel room all those nights ago…

**ANTHONY:**

Stay here? We don't have to party tonight. We'll order some dinner, go to bed early, just relax. Okay?

**ADAM:**  
No, we should go to the party, everyone will want us there!

**ANTHONY:**

Stay. You're exhausted. The show starts tomorrow. You need rest.

**ADAM:**  
(shrugging him off) I'll take an Ambien.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

**RENTHEAD:**  
LIVIN' IN A TOWN LIKE MINE'S  
TOUGH ON A RENTHEAD  
NO LIVE SHOWS

NOT EVEN SWEENEY!

OH WHAT A JOY TO SEE RENT  
FOR A RENTHEAD

SO AMAZING  
ADAM - DON'T YOU SEE?  
ANTHONY – DON'T YOU AGREE?

WISH I KNEW WHY, I SAY  
THE RENT TOUR WON'T COME TO MY STATE  
THERE'S TEARS IN MY EYES, I SAY  
THIS IS REALLY NOT SO GREAT!

WHOEVER SCHEDULED THE TOUR BROKE MY HEART…

**ANTHOINY:**

OH – I AM SO TIRED…

**  
RENTHEAD:**

WHOEVER SCHEDULED THE TOUR BROKE MY HEART…

**ADAM:**

SO TIRED, SO TIRED…

**RENTHEAD:**

WHOEVER SCHEDULED THE TOUR BROKE MY HEART…  
**  
ADAM, ANTHONY AND RENTHEAD:**  
OH OH OH OH OH

**RENTHEAD:**  
I JUST WANT TO SEE THE SHOW

JUST WANT TO SEE THE SHOW  
JUST WANT TO SEE THE SHOW  
JUST WANT TO SEE THE SHOW  
JUST WANT TO SEE THE SHOW…

-~-~-~-~-~-~-

**ADAM:**  
Don't worry about the party. You want to stay… stay. I'll tell everyone you feel asleep and I didn't want to wake you. (leaves)

**ANTHONY:**  
Ok, Adam. Hey look, I…

**RENTHEAD:**  
…SHOW!

**ANTHONY:**  
(sighs) He's gone.

-~-~-~-~-

REVIEW POR FAVOR!!!


	10. COME TO THE STAGEDOOR

My epic return! (cue confetti and balloons and cheering like mad)

Well, I graduate from high school in 3 days, so no more using school as an excuse for not writing. Crazy senior year crapola is why I was gone so long, among other things like: a dead computer thanks to a virus, lack of creative thought flow, and a sudden and passionate obsession with Adam Lambert.

The first two have been remedied. As for the last thing – well, I like having two Adams to fangirl over, so A-Lam stays. :)

I hope you all are ready for an awesome summer and everything! Go see Adam and Anth on tour, woooo!

P.S. - I love Telly Leung if you're wondering WTH he's doing all the time in these scenes!

* * *

**ANTHONY:**  
The theater. The show's just ended. The backstage area is totally empty. The fans are out back staring at a door that leads nowhere, waiting for people to come out from behind it that aren't there. And I'm narrating this because for some reason xRajahx is making me narrate like Mark fucking Cohen does, like I'm really him of some shit like that.

**(We see some RENTheads.)**

**RENTHEAD #1:**

No one's here. NO ONE HAS FUCKING SHOWED UP! Not Adam, not Anthony, not even TELLY fucking LEUNG!

**RENTHEAD #2:**  
It's ok.

**RENTHEAD #1:**  
Hey, shut up! Where the fuck is everyone?

**RENTHEAD #2**:  
We've been out here for over an hour. We missed our bus. Let's go.

**RENTHEAD #1:**

Not until Anthony Rapp kisses me!

**RENTHEAD #2:**  
Great… (rolls eyes)

(The next fifty-five minutes are a blur.)

* * *

(At some hotel somewhere, Adam walks in on Anthony narrating strangely to no one.)

**ADAM:**  
Hey, buddy.

**ANTHONY:**  
(as if he were concerned for his safety) Adam! Thank God.

**ADAM:**  
(laughs) I just needed some air, _Mother._ Now I need to sit. I ran into some RENTheads, and they started chasing me, screaming about how awesome the show was. All I could reply with was, "Thank you so much for coming!" and then I booked it.

**ANTHONY:**  
Are you kidding? Again? More teenage girls?

**ADAM:**

(shakes head) No, actually. There was an elegant older lady with a cigarette holder. She wanted me to sign it. (shrugs and laughs)

**ANTHONY:**  
(old lady imitation voice) Adam, darling… you're such a charming man with a lovely talent. Please adorn my cig holder with your name, dearie.

**ADAM:**

(mock scolding in laughter) ANTHONY RAPP!! It's been so long since I've heard you do your old lady voice. I almost didn't recognize you there.

**ANTHONY:**  
My backup career as a grandma will go marvelously then. And I make some delicious cookies too. (points to Mark scarf) And I knit. Shit, I got this on lock.

**ADAM:**

(cracks up) A GRANDMA? (laughs harder, we get the sense his time with the show has made him a bit delirious… he's losing it, people.)

**ANTHONY:**  
(concerned Grandma voice, comes over to Adam who has collapsed on one of the beds in a giggle fit) You're perspiring a bit heavily, dear. Before those crazy girls start yelling your name again you might want to go and towel off.

**ADAM**:

(still laughing) That's not sweat on my face, that's TEARS!

**TELLY:**  
(nervously pops head in room) Hellllloo.

**ANTHONY:**

Hi, Telly.

**TELLY:**  
(comes into the room, sees Adam laughing maniacally, shrugs, and perches himself next to Adam daintily) Pretty good crowd tonight, huh? Not bad, right?

**ANTHONY:**  
Yes. Are you playing Angel now?

**TELLY:**

Not technically, no. Justin just needed a rest.

**ANTHONY:**  
Well you were awesome, I'm proud of you. (tries to ignore Adam, who is still laughing)

**TELLY:**

Thanks. (glances at Adam) Is he gonna be ok?

* * *

The RENTheads are still sitting outside the theater, one looking like they want to leave, the other determined.

**RENTHEAD #1:**

(monologuing about RENT dramatically)  
Suddenly the theater is full of RENTheads, and the band is tuning up, and just before the  
lights go down there is a stir and a latecomer darts for his seat-- Is it? It's -- YES! IT'S HIM!! He's HERE!! My guru of the Musical Theater, the most Interesting Person of all. AN----- R--P! And my excitement... it gathers itself into a ball in my stomach and rises, pulsing, into my throat; it moves on into my skull, where it takes up residence, hissing and shuddering ...and then, miraculously, it keeps going: floating, up, higher, out of my  
head entirely, dissolving into the air as it leaves my body -- and what remains behind is pure love and hope. I'm going to see a musical… called RENT... written by Jonathan Larson ... thank you...I don't really have anything to say except thanks for everything, Jonathan, and I die a little even though I've never felt so alive… so now I'd better shut the hell up so these people… these glorious singers and actors can do their work. And I enjoy the show... (hums Tune Up #1)

**RENTHEAD #2:**

Here we go again…**  
**  
**RENTHEAD #1:**

(stops humming) WHERE ARE THEY?!!!! Seriously, I can't believe this…  
YOU'RE GONE SOMEWHERE  
I'M SITTING ON THE GROUND  
YOU'RE NOT AT STAGEDOOR  
CAN'T BE FOUND.

I FINALLY SEE THE SHOW  
TO MEET YOU - I WOULD DO ANYTHING,  
BUT YOU'VE LEFT ME HANGING

I WANT MORE THAN TO HEAR YOU SING

COME TO THE STAGEDOOR  
THE HOTEL YOU STAY AT'S NOT SO GREAT  
AND IT'S FATE  
THAT WE CROSS PATHS

YOU'RE NOT TIRED  
OR HOARSE AT ALL AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO  
WITHOUT YOU!  
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I'M GOING TO CRY-  
YOU SURE PUT ON A SHOW.  
THEATER'S PASSED UP IN THIS DAY AND AGE.  
BUT YOU, MY LOVES, REALLY GLOW

ADAM… TONIGHT!  
AND ANTHONY… A DREAM!  
WHERE - ? THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!

I'M GOING TO SCREAM!

COME TO THE STAGEDOOR,  
THE FENCES BETWEEN US MEAN NOTHING  
IF I JUMP THEM – AND I WILL.

DON'T YOU REALIZE

I'M A STALKER AND

IT IS ONLY YOU AND ME,  
IT IS ONLY ME AND YOU.

BUT NOW THE AIR IS COLD AND SAD  
WHERE'S THE BEST NIGHT I EVER HAD?

IT'S NOT COOL TO BE SO COLD

CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE  
OUR LOVE IS IMPOSSIBLE  
I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH  
BUT I GET IGNORED!

COME TO THE STAGEDOOR  
REST IS FINE  
IF YOU'RE DONE CONVERSING AND CHATTING  
AND MEETING WITH ME

ADAM, BE REAL,  
YOU LOVE ME,  
YOU DON'T NEED CYBELE, LENNON, OR MONTE!  
ONLY MEEEE!

TEARS IN MY EYES-  
OH WOE IS ME!  
DREARY SIGHS  
OH ANTHONY!

THE MUSIC IS DYING INSIDE!  
IT'S ALREADY ONE A.M… I'LL WAIT 'TIL FIVE!

COME TO THE STAGEDOOR!

COME TO THE STAGEDOOR!

COME TO THE STAGEDOOR!

ADAM AND ANTHONY… YOU'RE MIIIIIIIIIINE!

(The other RENThead leaves.)

* * *

BAHAHAHA possessive scary fans. And laughing Adam. XD

That was good fun.

Review if you missed me… and if you liked this. :D

THANKIES! I love yooooou in a totally uncreepy way, reviewers!


End file.
